Your Self-Talk Is the Key to a Better Life

Lately, I’ve been thinking about what it takes to create a beautiful, fulfilled mind and life. One of the biggest factors is the relationship you have with yourself.

Most people are held back by unresolved pain and trauma. These things affect how they see themselves, diminishing their self-love, self-worth, and identity.

It’s nearly impossible to cultivate a healthy relationship with yourself when you’re weighed down by these struggles.

What does a healthy relationship with yourself look like?

It looks like being your biggest supporter. It’s being your own best friend—showing up for yourself, even when you don’t feel like it. It’s accepting yourself, being compassionate, and making time to improve your life. It’s finding joy in your own company.

The way you talk to yourself reflects the quality of your relationship with yourself.

If that voice in your head is always saying, “You’re not good enough, you can’t do it, it’ll never work,” or constantly criticizing, judging, and making you feel small...

What does that say about how you see yourself?

The easiest way to improve your relationship with yourself—and by extension, your life—is to change your self-talk.

We don’t want our inner voice to point out flaws, discourage us from chasing goals, or compare us to others. We want it to uplift us, remind us how capable and brilliant we are, and inspire us—even on tough days.

That is the key.

Those who learn to shape their inner dialogue into something loving and supportive will completely transform their self-relationship.

After all, you are not your thoughts. They are merely reflections of subconscious beliefs—beliefs often picked up from others along the way.

So ask yourself: whose voice is really criticizing you? Is it a parent? A peer? A mentor?

How do we begin changing our inner dialogue?

First, we need to become aware of it.

Like I always say, you can’t change what you’re not aware of. Self-awareness is the first step.

For the next few days, pay close attention to your thoughts. Notice the patterns your mind follows. Are there recurring thoughts that hold you back? Write them down in a journal to deepen your awareness. These repeated thoughts will often point to the areas within you that need the most healing.​

Once you’re aware of these thoughts, start challenging them.

Do these thoughts make sense? Are they actually true? Is there any real evidence behind them?

Explore where these thoughts came from. When did they first arise? Are they tied to a childhood experience or a relationship with someone specific?

With this understanding in hand, you can begin reframing them. Write down the opposite of each limiting thought as a positive affirmation. Repeat these affirmations as if your life depends on it—because in many ways, it does.

Our brain strengthens the pathways we use most often, so the more you feed yourself positive thoughts, the more natural it becomes to think that way. Over time, this will be your new default.

I know this works because I’ve done it myself.

But what if affirmations feel fake?

If you’re repeating affirmations like “I am worthy of success” but it feels like a lie, that’s a sign deeper work is needed. Repetition alone may not be enough.

You’ll need to dig into the underlying belief—explore where it came from and why it feels so real. Reflect on every moment this belief has shown up in your life, and try to piece together its story. This extra work may be necessary to truly release it.

You could also immerse yourself in success stories from others, surrounding yourself with new evidence to challenge that belief.

Or you might commit to doing 30 minutes of self-worth meditation daily until the belief shifts.

Your journey will look different from anyone else’s. Personal growth is deeply individual, and the approach that works for someone else might not work for you. But no matter what, know this: you have the power to rewrite your inner dialogue.

You can change your mind. That’s your superpower.

Yes, it might take time and effort. But investing in your mindset is one of the best investments you’ll ever make—for the rest of your life.

So here’s my challenge:
Spend the next week focused on creating a more positive and loving inner dialogue, and see how your perception of yourself changes. Yes, you can see results in just one week.

I’m sending you so much love on this journey!

Shontae x