Why you aren't disciplined (and how to fix it)
I am sure you have had your struggles with discipline. some days you are ON IT, and other days... not so much. but worry no longer, for we are going to explore EVERYTHING you need to know in order to cultivate long lasting discipline.
what is discipline?
discipline is the ability to control your emotions, behaviours, and impulses to achieve a goal. it involves perseverance, delayed gratification, and a commitment to long-term objectives over immediate pleasures. it’s about making consistent efforts, even when motivation wanes.
why is discipline better than motivation?
i often tell you: ditch motivation, get some discipline. here's why...
motivation is driven by desire and can be highly variable, whilst self-discipline is about steadfastness. motivation comes in waves. rely on motivation and you will get nothing done. discipline is consistent, no matter the mood or weather. (if i was relying on motivation, you would not be reading this email. it is 11pm on a sunday and i am ready to sleep... but here we are... thanks to discipline)
here’s why discipline trumps motivation:
consistency: motivation fluctuates, but self-discipline ensures consistent action.
long-term success: discipline is about making the right choices consistently, leading to sustained success.
resilience: it helps you push through challenges even when you don’t feel motivated.
it is about overcoming the short term pleasures and focusing on the long term gains.
why is discipline such a struggle for most people?
we all know it is beneficial to be disciplined, but why aren't we all disciplined? many people struggle with self-discipline due to various factors:
instant gratification: the desire for immediate rewards often outweighs the benefits of long-term goals. most people would much rather go out with their friends on a saturday as opposed to staying in to learn or work on their projects. the brain's reward system (involving dopamine) favours immediate rewards over long-term benefits... unlucky for us
lack of clear goals: without specific, clear goals, it’s hard to stay disciplined. how can you keep consistently moving forward if you don't exactly know where you are going?
external distractions: modern life is filled with distractions that can derail focus and discipline. honestly a big part of becoming more productive is not actually adding in more habits or routines... it is removing the distractions. (cheat code right here for you)
mental and emotional challenges: stress, anxiety, and mental fatigue can undermine self-discipline.
this leads us to the most important question of all,
how do we become disciplined?
thanks to neuroplasticity, we know that our brains can change and adapt. if you have struggled with a lack of discipline in the past, do not worry. you absolutely can develop extreme discipline. it will just take some mental shifts and consistent action.
firstly, i want you to throw away the old narrative of 'i am not a disciplined person', 'i am too lazy to achieve my goals', 'being disciplined is such a struggle'.
the words we say and the thoughts we think hold extreme power. by allowing yourself to think and believe these things, you are further ingraining it into your mind and creating a self fulfilling prophecy where you prove those statements to be true.
instead of those, say "i am developing my discipline", "i am putting in consistent effort", "i am working towards my goals" (no matter how small those efforts are. the point is to change our perspective)
secondly, we must experience a shift in values. the biggest reason most of us aren't disciplined is because we crave the short term pleasure and instant gratification over the long term benefit. this must change.
how?
truly understand that you deserve to become your best self (really internalise it)
understand the harm of short term pleasure
you deserve to be the best version of yourself and become everything you ever dreamed of being. you have the power to create the life you desire, and you owe it to yourself to live a life that reflects your highest aspirations. you only have one life. one life and an unlimited amount of potential. are you seriously going to waste it on short term pleasures? we live in a time where we have an abundant access to opportunity, tools and resources. we owe it to ourselves and to our lineage to become the absolute best that we can become. you have the power to change the world. you can be and do anything that you want in this life. all you must do is take the right steps.
i mean, what is the alternative?
go about life playing it small? knowing that you can do better but disappointing yourself every day? settling to be mediocre? what a waste.
want to know the consequences for choosing instant gratification and short term pleasure?
hindered long term success
decreased discipline
reduced productivity
poorer health and wellbeing
higher probability of financial instability
strained personal relationships
missed opportunities for growth
lack of fulfilment
and what are the benefits?
immediate satisfaction
increased momentary happiness
my point is clear. succumbing to short term pleasure is only going to hurt you in the long run.
you must think of the future and hold tightly onto that vision.
this leads me to my next point.
create a vision for who you want to be.
if you lack clarity, it is going to be very hard to stay focused. like i said, how can you move forward consistently if you don't know where you are going?
this vision for your future is going to be the blueprint for your behaviour. every time you make a decision, ask yourself, "does this support the best version of me?".
here are some questions to ask yourself when in this process:
what are my core values and beliefs?
what do i want my life to stand for?
what are my long-term goals?
if absolutely everything could go right in my life, what would i want my life to look like in 2 years?
what impact do i want to have on others and the world?
what are the actionable steps i need to take to work towards my vision?
once you have this vision, think of it every day.
another tip:
think of life like a video game. you can choose if you want to level up. you can choose the outcome for your character. all you must do is make the right choices.
when you are faced with a choice, think of yourself as being at a crossroads.
for example, you look to your left. you see a shiny television. your favourite show is calling out to you.
you look to your right, you see that book you bought this morning.
look at both those options and play them out in your mind.
let's say you choose option A. you stay up all night binging your show. you wake up late the next morning feeling regret. you are further away from your goals. at least last night was fun, right? you are more likely to do it all over again tonight.
let's say you choose option B. you get in an hour of reading before falling asleep. you have learned something new and are one step closer to achieving your goals. you wake up the next morning feeling proud of yourself and accomplished. you are more likely to make that same choice again the following night.
by exploring the consequences of your actions before you take them, and literally viewing yourself being at a crossroad between them, you are more likely to choose the beneficial option.
instead of immediately acting on impulse, take a minute to think. that minute can change the course of your life.
here are some additional tips for cultivating discipline:
set clear goals: use SMART goals to provide direction and purpose. break down your ideal vision into smaller goals and actionable steps. this way you know what daily tasks you must complete and can hold yourself accountable. write down your goals and make action plans. keep your goal sheet in a place where you see it often (a whiteboard, your phone wallpaper, make a poster for your room, stick it on your fridge, etc.)
create a routine: establish a consistent daily routine to reduce decision fatigue. set a few daily tasks that are non negotiable for every day. i recommend a habit tracker to keep count. (productivity apps on your phone can help with this too)
build good habits: use habit stacking and positive reinforcement to develop productive habits. listen to a podcast while you workout, read while you have your morning coffee, say your affirmations whilst doing your makeup, treat yourself after completing all your tasks...
manage distractions: write down every single possible distraction in your environment and ways to eliminate those distractions. make this a focus in your life.
stay accountable: it is okay if you struggle some days, but you must hold yourself accountable. if you are not being disciplined, explore the reasons why (lovingly and without judgement). are there unanticipated distractions in your environment? are you losing sight of your ideal vision? is your to-do list overwhelming you? identify the root cause of the issue and find solutions from there. reflection is necessary.
cultivate a growth mindset: embrace challenges and view failures as learning opportunities.
prioritise self-care: don't just be disciplined with work, be disciplined with rest too. ensure you are meeting the needs of your body. that is the foundation for everything you do.
building self-discipline is a journey that requires consistent effort and commitment. start small, stay consistent, and remember that each step brings you closer to achieving your goals and becoming the best version of yourself.
if you want to learn more about becoming consistent & sticking to your goals, i have the perfect youtube video for you.
feel to free watch it below:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=5s&v=XToocsbCBFk
sending you so much love,
shontae
